Guy - Fan Fiction Draft

This is something I did in class on Thursday, excuse any mistakes, I’ll get round to them in my final draft and yes I know its too long, I'll work on that too.

This is intended as an anime episode, not manga:

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Gintama: The Final Episode, Accepted by Many.

 “Doof Doof Doof”, Gintama wakes to a violent knocking at the door

“Gyaaah, who’s pounding at my door this early in the morning?“, “What a pain, Kagura?”

Silence,

“Kagura!”

More silence.

The knocking returns, slightly louder this time,

“..KAGURAAA!”

“WHAT!?”

“Get the door you lazy idiot!”

Neither notice Shinpachi get up and head towards the door, they are too busy fighting.

Shinpachi opens the door to see a Sunrise company official towering above him with a less than amused look plastered across his face.

Shinpachi’s face fades to white, the white then spreads across the rest of his body as he become a crude pencil sketch of himself.

The official mutters words of disgust to himself, Shinpachi hears nothing.

Shinpachi snaps back to reality and quickly starts talking,

“I’m sorry, I tried, I really did but before I knew what was happening Gintoki had already set fire to the..”

“That's not why I’m here interrupted the official”

“Of course, I mean, I’m sorry that Kagura attacked the last..”

“That's not why I’m here either!”

“You mean the incident with the boat and the chainsaw?”

“NO SHUT UP AND LET ME SPEAK!”

Shinpachi stands shocked,

“I’m here to remind you that this show is being taken off the air today and that your timeslot has been given to the show ‘Naruto’, of course you already know this from the multiple warnings we have sent you?”

The official looks back at Shinpachi’s empty face,

“llletters?” Shinpachi replies

“I am a very busy man, you have received more than enough warning, in fact, from henceforth you have 10 minutes to clear your belongings before this show legally becomes Naruto.”

The official turns and leaves, Shinpachi stands frozen and turns around to Gintoki and Kagura who are deep in a wrestling match in the now destroyed living room, Gintoki stops and looks at him casually over the choke hold he has on Kagura,

“What’s wrong Otaku?”

Shinpachi erupts into a fit of rage and leaps into the wrestle landing a square punch in the face of both Gintoki and Kagura.

The group fight until there is very little left still standing in the room.

After about 10 minutes they become tired and stop fighting, all three lay on the floor panting,

“I’ve almost forgotten why we even started this fight, also, Shinpachi, what did you have to do with all this?

Letters, letters! Shinpachi pants,

Letters? Gintoki pants back,

Yes letters! What happened to all the letters from Sunrise sent us?

Kagura butts in, suddenly on her feet not looking the slightest bit tired

“They didn't look important, so I used them to light the fire”

#Cut away of Shinpachi’s face exploding#

Interrupted by Gintama,

“What!? We don’t even have a fireplace!”

#Flashback of Kagura lighting a bonfire in the middle of the living room, she picks up a letter from a pile by her side, across it in big red letters reads “IMPORTANT” and another of the same description, then casually drops them on the fire. She picks up another, a yellow envelope addressed to Gintama covered in hearts and throws it on the fire, then picks up a third addressed to Shinpachi, the words “Family Bereavement” written across it, she again drops it on the fire.#

“The man at the door was an official from Sunrise, he said that in 10 minutes our show is being taken of the air, I saw it coming but to that that stupid yellow haired kid?” Shinpachi sighs.

“How long were you two fist fighting for? “Kagura asks through a mouthful of pickled Sukonbu.

The three all stop in thought as the back of the room they are sitting in is removed by a sunrise employee revealing the main high street of Konoha.

Shinpachi notices, he screams and points, Gintoki turns around and screams similarly.

Gintoki and Shinpachi both stand and walk towards the set as another wall is taken down by Uzumaki Naruto displaying the Ichiraku Ramen shop.

Gintoki turns around,

“Ka..”

He notices that Kagura is no longer there.

Characters from Naruto start to walk around carrying lights and props, in walks Naruto carrying a large light and another carrying a wooden tree, 3 more walk in carrying between them a large statue of Naruto smiling avidly.

Various amounts of Naruto stay on screen hammering walls and placing scenery.

Gintoki runs over to one of the Naruto’s hammering at a tree and grabs him

“Oi! Stop hammering, this is my show; take your shadow clones and your stupid voice to another time slot!

“This is our show now, believe it!”

“Aaagh” Gintoki covers his ears “Shut up!”

“Never, it’s my way of the ninja, you better believe it!”

“GO AWAY!” Gintoki screams pulling out his wooden sword.

Upon seeing Gintoki draw, Naruto starts weaving seals with his hands, performing various impossible to create shapes, he takes a little while to do so.

“Are you swearing at me or something?”

“Annoying technique!”

There is silence as the two characters stare at each other awkwardly.

Gintama screams,

“Ooooww, ooh man that stinks! You stupid yellow headed freak, why would you do that, if I were some kind of..” Gintoki pauses to think “Stupid dog-man.. thing, I would not be happy right now”

Gintoki crawls away,

“Shinpachi? Shinpachi!.. Kagura?”

Gintoki crawls down the street until he reaches the ramen store again, he see’s two familiar pairs of feet under the blinds, he storms in to see Kagura and Shinpachi wearing Konoha Ninja headbands with their faces in bowls of ramen.

“What are you doing you sell outs, can’t you see where at war here? “He yells “Oi listen to..”

Gintoki is interrupted by the commencement of the Naruto ending theme; the theme is very similar to the original except Kagura and Shinpachi are included.

The episode ends with an episode of Ginpachi-Sensei .

Gintoki stands looking displeased at the front of Naruto’s class at the Konoha ninja academy,

He says nothing..

End

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I would like to include more humour, to keep it true to the anime, but my word count is already way too high.

Any criticisms for my final draft? Constructive criticisms?

More importantly, what can I drop?

Guy - Fan Fiction Reviews

Summer Wars - The Next Summer

This fan fiction is a set after the happenings of the animation ‘Summer Wars’. The character Kazuma finds a rabbit that later turns into her world famous ‘Oz’ online avatar, ‘King Kazuma’.

The thing that I find most enjoyable about this piece is how well the writer catches the atmosphere and style of the film despite it being an independent piece of work. Much like the atmosphere and style, the writer portrays the character of Kazuma along with his online Avatar ‘King Kazuma’ very accurately. The writer shows a clear understanding of the film and the character, which helps it flow on nicely from the original film.

The piece is overall entertaining and exciting. The only critique I would have to offer would be that in my opinion the writer is too quick to initiate the fight and provides very little lead up information; I feel that it might have benefited from greater development instead of jumping straight into a fight between Kazuma and King Kazuma.

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Naruto Shippuden - Shippuden Complaint

This fan fiction appears to be set somewhere near the beginning of the anime/manga series ‘Naruto Shipuudden’. Naruto has returned from his 3 years of training and talks with various characters from the Konoha village.

I like how the writer includes snippets of humour and mockery to this fan fiction, it gives the situations described less of a serious atmosphere and edges them towards that of humour. I also like how the writer has been able to include many of the popular characters from the series without dragging out the storyline; this I feel makes the story entertaining for the fans of different characters within the story and helps portray the image of the lively Konoha village well.

My main Critique for this piece would be that although I would not call it not dull it lacks the excitement that the animation series relies so heavily on, after all it is a show about Japanese ninja and war. The writer still manages to hold my attention well but I reached the end expecting a certain something more, something which was not delivered.

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5 Centimetres per Second - Chasing Time

This is a poem written in a similar writing style to that of the animation 5 Centimetres Per Second’s director Makoto Shinkai. It describes the feelings of the character Takaki Touno as he searches in life for his childhood lover Akari Shinohara.

I very much like the writing style of this poem, it holds true to the style of Makoto Shinkai’s work which I am very fond of. The short, sharp, descriptive verses help display the restless emotion of the character and his urge to find the one who always seems so out of reach.

The one critique I would give for this poem is that I feel it would defiantly benefit from being more relevant to the story it is based on, the writer often mentions that the two are separated by time, which is not so much the case in the film. I feel it would be viewed more as a fan fiction this way instead of simply being seen as a piece of work inspired by the film 5 Centimetres Per Second.

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Family Guy - Brian and Stewie's Road Through Gaming

This is a fictional piece from the cartoon ‘Family Guy’ about the two characters Stewie and Brian who go on somewhat of an adventure through the world of computer gaming. With the help of a modified N-Gage device the characters are able to enter any game of their choice and play as characters in-game.

This is written well enough to hold my attention and presents an entertaining situation to throw the Family Guy characters into, one that would not likely be seen in the program itself. The original idea and style of dialogue is similar to that of ‘Family Guy’ making it easy and believable to read.

Unfortunately I find this piece lacks the crude humour so often found in the Family Guy series, it is obvious that the writer has at times tried to achieve this, but I do not feel that they have managed to match the standard presented so casually by the TV show.

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Gintama - I am Drinking the Stars!

This scenario involves two characters from the anime/manga series ‘Gintama’. Ginatama is asked to come and fetch Otae from work after she gets carried away drinking with a customer and is too drunk to make her own way home.

This story has its entertaining moments, which are made more entertaining and believable by the fact that the writer clearly knows the series well, so is able to include details that hold the story true to the anime. In this light a person familiar with the series would likely appreciate this story.

I find the random inserts of Japanese dialogue to be the most noticeable problem with this fan fiction, although it is of course based on a Japanese TV show I feel that they are unnecessary. To avoid confusion it seems the obvious choice to write the entire piece in one language. It is also rather long winded, my attention was barely held to the end as it lacks the same attention grabbing action and humour that the TV series displays so much of.
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Excel's 5 Fanfic Reviews

DOCTOR WHO

The Return of Donna Noble

After her encounter with The Doctor at her almost-wedding, Donna Noble had been longing for the excitement and adventure that ensued when she was accidentally beamed up into the TARDIS. Since parting with the Doctor and knowing about the existence of aliens, she has been travelling the world and encountering aliens on her own, although unintentionally. In Ottawa, Canada, Donna gets caught in crossfire between an escaped alien prisoner and the law enforcement group attempting to retrieve him. It is there that she reunites with the Doctor and convinces him to take her on as his travelling companion.

I quite enjoyed this fanfic. Apparently there aren’t very many fanfics involving Donna Noble and mainly the reason why is perhaps because she has a sassy, outspoken attitude that is difficult to imitate. The author does a good job of ‘getting’ both Donna and the Doctor’s particular lexicon, and showing both the regular cheerful Donna and the more humane side of her that we are rarely privileged to see in the TV show.

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TORCHWOOD

Terms of Employment

Harriet Jones, prime minister of the UK, arranges a meeting with Captain Jack Harkness, whom the Doctor and Rose had left behind at Station 5 as they believed him to be dead. Now that it is calm after the Christmas Day attack on London, Harriet and Jack are able to discuss the appearance of the new Doctor and how he's changed from the Doctor that Harriet knew. They also discuss Harriet's post of Prime Minister, and instead of resigning like Harriet wants to, Jack convinces her otherwise, dropping her a hint that she serves three full terms in office. This gives Harriet the courage to continue her job as Prime Minister. She finally realises that Jack is not completely human and because of his knowledge of other life-forms and the supernatural, she offers him a job working with the Torchwood Institution.

Nothing to really complain about; it's written well - no grammar, spelling or punctuation errors to note, or, if there were any, there were unnoticeable. In-character dialogue is no problem, and this fanfiction creates a plausible reason as to how Jack came to work for the Torchwood Institution and how the now former Prime Minister came to know Jack Harkness.

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SUPERNATURAL

Baby, You Can Drive My Car

A childhood memory. Dad is out hunting, and Dean takes this opportunity to take Sam out for a driving lesson. Sam, like the good kid he is, is dead set against the idea of wanting to learn how to drive. Dean, like the older brother he’s so determined to be, forces Sam behind the wheel and forces him to drive. Unfortunately, Dean only gives Sam enough information to let the car start rolling forwards. Sam hits the accelerator instead of the brake and chaos ensues.

The idea for this fanfic is a sweet one as we rarely see much of the Winchester boys’ childhood that didn’t involve hunting monsters and other supernatural beings. At the beginning, the dialogue is typical and in-character but what irked me about the writing was that the further the story progressed, the further out-of-character they seemed. Sure, the characters were only in their teens, but the author made Dean a tad too aggressive to the younger brother he loves so much – a bit off from what flashbacks we do see on the TV show. Another gripe is the lack and/or incorrect use of punctuation where quotation marks are concerned, but overall, a decent read.

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 DEATH NOTE

Ghost in the Machine

A short fanfic from Near’s point of view set after L’s death. There seems to be a ghost in the room and he also hears L’s voice. Near seems to think it is L’s ghost, and it’s plausible it might be. After all, L believed in ghosts – he could have become one to watch over Near’s efforts to catch Kira.

Not much to say as it is a short fanfic, but it has been written well enough and explores, if not hint at, the platonic relationship that L shared with Near and the other children at Wammy’s House.

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CODE GEASS: LELOUCH OF THE REBELLION

A Crane's Wish

A post-Zero Requiem fanfic which starts off where Code Geass R2 ended, however, Lelouch is alive and has taken upon him C.C.'s Code. Lelouch is now the immortal being and he and C.C. are in a relationship. They reminisce, and it turns out that C.C. had been dreaming of the past.

In this fanfic, the dialogue is very much in-character, especially that of the snarky, cool and distant C.C. and the egotistical Lelouch. It started off well enough as a narrative but degraded into an almost script-style dialogue narration. It could have been written better, especially when it concerned the characters speaking and the punctuation was incorrectly used. Also, I wish that the author had focused more on writing about the dynamics between the two instead of just their dialogue. C.C. is a character that doesn't like to talk or divulge information very often, but considering that this is a post-show speculation, it is plausible that she had opened up her heart and allowed her more human side show. A decent read if you’re looking for something superficial.

Brooklyn's reviews

Burlesque: One Year Later

Main characters Ali and Jack a year later from the movie Burlesque. Jack unexpectedly proposes to Ali and is nervous for her response and she doesn't react well at first. It includes Jack's proposal to Ali and her answer at the end, which is eventually yes.

This short fanfic piece is an interesting theme with a not so interesting approach as I find that it does not fully achieve the romance that is intended by the writer for the reader, due to the structure and chosen form of writing, i.e., present tense. "He opens a drawer and pulls out a box. He walks back towards Ali who's now staring at him with those big eyes he loves so much. He kneels down on one knee.", the story comes across as slightly rough with all the pauses and what not, lacking the softness that I think it should possess in terms of what the story is about.

John Tucker Must Die: Both Tuckers

John Tucker is confronted by four young woman seeking revenge on him after he gets caught out dating three of them all at the same time. The fourth and undated girl Kate winds up stuck in the middle of an evil plot set out by the three angry and evil girls, where she is to get with john Tucker then ultimately break his heart and in the process humiliate him and reveal to the whole school the real jerk he is. Things turn when in the end, Kate dates the other Tucker brother Scott who unlike John, is the real deal for Kate. Ten months on, Kate and Scott have Thanks Giving dinner at the Tucker's where she notices John is alone. Eventually John catches Kate alone and reveals to her that although he knew what they had was a set up, he still may have loved her when they dated. Kate feels sick as the words she hears confirms her suspicions of what she knew John may have felt.

This piece is a short, although a tad predictable text however nothing I didn't enjoy. It was an interesting carry on from the actual movie, typically because the situation of dating two brothers left myself and probably a million others wondering how life after wards would be for the characters since the movie ended at Kate and Scott becoming a couple. The writer kept it short and sweet but still packed with nothing boring which I liked.

Sleepover: That's what I would say

Life after losing for the popular girls. Aftera devastating loss against the unpopular girls, leader of the popular pack Stacie is having a hard time dealing with the consequences of losing her spot at the fountain at high school in her freshman year. Sitting next to the bins at lunch time, Stacie is no longer the glowing girl she once was, therefore she begins to resent high school until she finds love in one of the 'dorks'.

I enjoyed this fanfic as it gave a good and reasonable insight to what life could of been like for the popular girls in high school after losing her expected spot at the fountain. The writer did a good job in portraying Stacie's character whilst keeping it short but very full with descriptions and events that didn't bore me. The story itself was a good follow up to how the characters could have been after the movie.

Fast and Furious: Diamond in the Rough

Dom resents Vince's new girlfriend for changing him for the better and potentially being the reason that Vince may settle down. Dom nicknamed Vince 'coyote' as he never thought he'd see the day he'd find someone, so when everyone is happy over Vince and his new found love, Dom states otherwise. He says he just knows that Vince and Alex aren't going to last and warns his partner Letty that when it's over, they'll be the ones dealing with Vince's sour and bitter attitude.

I particularly found this story captivating as I didn't stop reading til the very end. The writer portrayed the characters exceptionally well through her use of dialogue and descriptions, giving the characters personalities that truly matched the actual characters in the The Fast and Furious movie. The portrayal of the characters were very recognizable and the sunny beach setting which allowed me to easily paint a picture in my head of the story as I read on. I found this fanfiction to be well thought out and written, although I do admit I became confused at times due to the way the writing was lay out, however the grammar good.

Sweet Home Alabama: Talk Between Friends

Jake and Melanie from the movie Sweet Home Alabama with a different twist of Bobby-Ray's reaction after a drunken Melanie let slip that Bobby-Ray was gay in front of all his friends in the pub. Jake is in the parking lot of the pub where he watches his wife get ready to leave back to New York where her new glamorous life and fiance and sees Bobby in his truck parked further down. Jake approaches him and finds that Bobby's been missing in action since the incident because he thinks nobody likes him anymore. Jake reassures Bobby that him being gay hasn't changed anyone's feelings towards him and leads him into the pub.

I thought the twist in this story was cool. The characters were well captured which helped the story to be more realistic, fitting easily into the actual Sweet home Alabama movie, itself. The storyline had an interesting insight into how Bobby-Ray may have felt, particularly because the movie doesn't fully expand on that. I didn't find anything too boring or grammatically wrong with piece which complements it further.